You are a couch

Of course, I don’t mean that literally. You could be a chair, a table — maybe even a sconce.

Here’s what I do mean: I used to puzzle over how someone who is intelligent, hard-working, genuine, mission-aligned, values-aligned, could still be fundamentally incompatible to work with. (And to be fair, I’ve been that person to others.)

And then it dawned on me: I am a couch.

The House and the Couch

Every well-designed house has an intangible feeling. You walk in, and your mood shifts. Your perspective sharpens.

Each room might feel different — the cozy living room, the bright kitchen, the sleek office — but there’s still a sense of cohesion across the whole space. Within each room, each piece of furniture is distinct. Too much sameness, and the space feels dull. Too much clash, and it’s chaos.

Now imagine the company as the house.

• Each room is a team — marketing, engineering, product, etc.

• Each piece of furniture is a team member.

For example, you, dear reader, are a couch.

Fit Is Not About Quality

What matters is balance: similarity and distinction in the right proportions. Tip too far in either direction, and the design falls apart.

Here’s the real insight: you can be a perfectly good couch, even an excellent one, and still be wrong for the room.

You might have every winning quality: great design, exceptional comfort, even those cool built-in cupholders that my wife hates but I think are cool. But if your color, size, or style just doesn’t “vibe” with the rest of the room, you don’t fit.

I’ve been that wrong couch. On one team, the prevailing value was moving quickly and getting something done, even if it meant skimming over the deeper issues. I’m wired the opposite way; I love to experiment as long as it’s a means to get closer to the core issue. I’m an arrogant son-of-gun, I think I’m a pretty darn good couch, but I didn’t fit that room.

And that’s not a judgment of my worth, it’s just design logic.

What the Room Can’t Be

When building a team, it’s tempting to focus only on what you do want. But it’s just as important to define what the team can’t be.

In design terms: if you choose a certain shade of blue, you’re ruling out certain greens and reds. That’s not a loss, it’s just a choice.

The same goes for company values. Too often, they’re just affirmations:

• Commit to the truth

• Be a team player

• Think big

But the best values make explicit the tradeoffs. They include the anti-values — the traits you’re consciously sacrificing.

“Commit to the truth” sounds great to everyone. Add “even if it hurts,” and suddenly it’s clear: people who value harmony over candor, even if they’re wonderful humans, won’t thrive here.

The Final Word

You are a couch. You will fit beautifully in some rooms. You won’t in others. And that’s perfectly fine.